Just fell off a train. Bad.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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