if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
