if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
