He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
