"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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