i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Randomize
