new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
