If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
