you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
