I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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