dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
