My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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