She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
