Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
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nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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