So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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