I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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