I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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