Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
