i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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