yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
