last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
