I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
