He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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