Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
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We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
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Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
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