A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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