Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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