Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
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are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
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I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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