You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
