you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
