I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
