If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I will pee on everything he values.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
