I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
