And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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