did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Randomize
