i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Dignity is for republicans.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
