The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The uberlube is also flammable
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
