Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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