she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
