his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Randomize
