But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
