You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
