There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
