apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
