I wish I only lived at night.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
