He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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