I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm too high and old for this...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
