I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
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Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
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He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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