I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
