I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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