things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
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