I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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