he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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