IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
