Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
