i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
