you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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