Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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