Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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