Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
