we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
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Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
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and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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