3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
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I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
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I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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