Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i dont even know how to be here
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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