Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
