halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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