HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
