Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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