He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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