Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
