I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
