tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
