i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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