not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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