i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
