You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
